This recap is for Season 7, Episode 17 of Real Housewives of Orange County.

After recapping the end of last week’s episode, where the ladies staged a failed narcissism/pretentiousism/fakism intervention on Alexis, we pick up this week’s episode with Alexis, still at the table, wiping away tears as she states that she never talks badly about Tamra, to anyone, and that Terry tells her about the things that Tamra says behind her back. (I admit, I’m kind of lost here. When did Terry –I finally realize that that is Dr. Dubrow’s first name– and Alexis become BFF’s? It seems to me that the men on these shows are becoming as messy as the women are.) Alexis makes me LOL when she asks if Tamra thinks she is somehow “real” because she has had her implants removed. She didn’t ask her this to her face, mind you, but it is funny nonetheless. Vicki says something awfully introspective, for her, and states that they should leave Alexis alone because they are all phony and superficial to a degree. Bravo, Vicki!

It is immensely upsetting to Alexis that Gretchen is not just blindly coming out in her defense.  I understand it being difficult to accept what is being said, in that moment, when you feel as if you are under attack; but do you really hold a grudge against someone who is honestly expressing how they feel? Gretchen’s suggestion to the women is that they tell Alexis, up front, when she says something that puts them off. While that may be the most mature way to deal with it, I have a feeling that if they did that, they would be interrupting her every other sentence.

Eventually, Alexis has enough and excuses herself from the table, and goes back to her room, at which point the women commence to patting themselves on the back for a job well done. It pains me to say, Vicki is right, once again, when she says that they are not going to change who they are and that they should just accept each other. I think she should have added, “or don’t,” because that really is an option.  Maybe they are forced to be acquaintances for the sake of the show, but perhaps behind the scenes, that should be spelled out so that there are no surprises. But, then again, would that make for good TV?

After the women comfort Gretchen, and ensures her that she has been a great friend, she gets the strength to go after Alexis. She is dismayed when Alexis won’t let her into her room for round 2, or 3, or whatever it is at this point. “This is too hard on me!” Gretchen says. “What about me?” Alexis wonders? Alas, since Alexis is not up to speaking with Gretchen, Gretchen flees back to the women, and they comfort her some more.

At least what they are being fed looks yummilicious.

Alexis’s new BFF, Vicki takes her her lobster and talks Alexis into letting her stay and speak with her. After all, they have something in common! Tamra and the gals have justifiably gained up on her in the past! Vicki goes on to say, in confessional, what many people say anytime you have something negative to say about someone who is attractive, “they are jealous because she’s hawt!” Seriously? Is that what she is taking away from all of this? Maybe Vicki is jealous, actually, I am sure Vickis jealous, but all of the other women are very attractive in their own right. And, even if they were not, just because you criticize someone who is attractive, it doesn’t mean that you are doing it because you are jealous of their looks. Do I have to say it? Being attractive does not make one infallible. It does seem to give them a “Get out of jail free” card with many, however.

Alexis followed through on her word to leave early, but before she stages her Escape from Paradise, Heather drops by to see her. Alexis is short with her and Heather tells her that she hated to see her upset and bla bla bla and some more stuff. Alexis also goes to the beach, making sure to thank Vicki, in front of Gretchen, on the ride over. While having glasses of “champs,” a raccoon happens upon the women and Gretchen and Alexis find a moment to have a chat off to the side. Gretchen explains how hurt she was that Alexis allowed Vicki in, but would not allow her in. Alexis says that Vicki barged in, and she really had no choice, and then goes on to criticize Gretchen for making the conversation all about her, but says nothing about Vicki doing the same thing. Then, Alexis leaves.

Gretchen is still whining about Alexis not letting her, but letting Vicki, in; but this she’s whining to Vicki and the other women. In confessional, Vicki is bragging over “succeeding” over Gretchen, in regards to Alexis, as if she won some kind of prize. Good grief. Sometimes I feel as if Vicki is one of those people who always wanted to be part of the “popular crowd,” and sat by being envious and spiteful of them because she wasn’t a part of their awesome clique, but the moment one of those popular people paid her any attention, she felt like she was worth a billion bucks. Seriously, I’m over it.

For some reason, Gretechen and Tamra decide to run around molesting Vicki and Heather, the two most uptight women of the bunch. Vicki flees because she must protect her “pink parts” (is anyone else gagging?) And Heather is given a lap dance by Tamra and Gretchen before the two start to rub bums; and Tamra flashes Gretchen her boobies. A squirrel? monkey figures that this must be where the party is, and tries to join in on the fun. Unfortunately, all of the weird screams from the women are unlike any mating call he has ever heard, so he is a bit unsure. Free bananas won him over.

Time to plant trees! The Stinking Toe tree reminds Tamra of Eddie, so she selects that one to plant for him. Heather picks a tree with four leaves, because she has four kids. Vicki wants the tree with the heartiest soul. ::rollseyes:: Vicki asks if they should plant one for Alexis. ::rollseyesharder:: Hey, it’s good for the environment! Vicki is just way too sentimental about this whole thing. She calls it romantic, but then she takes a much darker turn when she mentions that one day, one of them is going to die and it is going to be, like, sad. Is it menopause? She then destroys Alexis’s tree. Fitting.

The at the break outtake is of Tamra joking about Vicki sleeping with Slade. I gag again.

The women decide to go white water rafting. They discuss how nervous they are on the way and freak out when they see the river. Not sure what they thought white water rafting looked like. “If it rains in the boat, will we sink?” Heather wants to know. The prospect of not properly wedging their feet in the boat, to prevent falling out, and the fact that piranhas live in the water, does not deter the women from their goal. They are a’going white water rafting! After they figure out who is getting in the boat first. A bunch of screaming, mostly by Vicki, ensues. It was fun for all! Wait. Is Vicki really crying? Bitch.Stop

Heather is the second one to leave. Wait a minute… I thought she was able to stay the entire trip? You know… because her husband is like, so awesome with handling the kids while she is away. Of course, it’s hard to really tell the order and time these scenes are filmed.

After rafting, I presume since all of their hair is still wet, the three remaining OCers go for beer and food. Vicki is irritated as hell that Gretchen and Tamra are both wearing pink and Tamra squeezes one of Vicki’s tits to calm her down. What is going on? Does going on a trip somehow mean GIRLS GONE WILD! Vicki doesn’t have on a bra, so she asks Tamra to stop.  Somehow we (Vicki) start talking about Donn. She says he is going to be sad without her. Personally, I that think Don is going to be fine. Isn’t he the one going to sex clubs? Vicki says that she would go back, if Donn wanted her. I know that makes Brooks feels, like, all kinds of awesome. She backpedals a bit on that comment, perhaps thinking about Brooks a second or two too late. She then talks about her next source of pain – Brianna and her elopement. You know, more, woe is me stuff.

All in all, this week’s episode ends relatively drama-free.

Next week’s sneak peek takes us back to the OC and the episode starts off with Vicki and Brooks at the dentist. Vicki is getting him some new teeths! Well, I am sure he is paying for it. Right… Vicki is literally all up in Brooks grill, pointing out all of the things she would like to see fixed.

Sneak Peek 2 is of Tamra and Eddie at dinner. Tamra is filling Eddie in on the trip to Costa Rica and Eddie surprises her with a trip he has planned Tahiti. (Yes. I am having Basketball Wives flashbacks.) Tamra feels like Eddie has something up his sleeve and I am sure if she is right, she’ll do a great job of pretending to be surprised.

Sneak Peek 3 is of Alexis, desperately trying to recover from the mental and verbal beat down she suffered on her 1.5 day trip to Costa Rica. The show must go on, however, and she has to put on a brave face for her Fox 5 segments. This woman would truly buckle under the stress of any REAL problems. I will say that it looks as if Alexis Is getting better at this whole “on camera” thing. I will still have fun with my Alexis Bellino, True Journalist Series, however!

Well, that is it for this recap of the Real Housewives of Orange County. If you like what you’ve read, please follow my blog and share it with your friends. Peace!


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