True Blood, Season 5 Episode 2: Authority Always Win, Recap & Review

Authority Always Wins

“TARA! That is Sookie! You is killing her!” That is the first line of episode 2 of  True Blood. As you may recall, at the end of the season premiere, Tara pops out of the ground like a pop tart, attacks Sookie, pins her up against a tree, and bites her real good. Since Pam is just standing there with a smirk on her face, it is up to Lafayette to try and save Sook, but Tara just flings him away. Pam stands by, thoroughly amused by the scene playing out before her, but still does nothing. We are ALL amused, Pam! Eventually she does save Sookie and commands Tara not to bite Sookie and Lafayette before tossing her into the house. She tells Sook and Lafayette that they are on their own.

The Authority ends up being this super secret, hidden secret, underground secret, society (or perhaps government is a better word) where all of the Mega Vampires go to play; and, to devise plans to mainstream. Mainstreaming is like, very super duper important to these people and they mean to eliminate any obstacles that stand in the way of accomplishing that goal.

Anyway, Bill, Eric, and Nora are taken to a building that appears to be a giant warehouse, in the middle of nowhere. Inside, we meet Mega Vamp Salome. She’s none-too-pleased with Nora’s betrayal and pimp slaps her as she attempts to convince Salome that she really was not going behind her back to free Bill & Eric. Salome doesn’t buy it; I mean, even someone with below average intelligence (Jason, for instance) wouldn’t buy that one. Although the building looks like a warehouse above ground, underground it is a whole other world. Think the White House. They enter this official looking reception area and I get this sense of sci-fi, complete with guards that look vaguely like Storm Troopers – without the helmets. Still, there is a touch of history with an antique oil painting of Roman, The Authority’s… “president?” on the wall, and a stone tablet with ancient text behind the receptionist’s desk.

The trio is escorted to a holding area and they are deposited into separate cells. Perhaps that is a good thing. Eric and Nora may not have been able to resist one last shagging before meeting the True Death. One other prisoner is already there, and he looks as if he has been tortured into within an inch of his life. It appears that his body can no longer heal itself completely, and he is just this deformed mess.Yuck! It seems that he has a thing for eating newborn “succulent” babies. (Why they don’t just kill him, I’m not sure, but does it really matter?) Soon we learn how The Authority administers at least one form of torture when they turn on UV Lights to burn the hell out of their prisoners. As it turns out, they aren’t fond of being lied to and when Bill suggests that he was the mastermind behind their failed escape, and that they should let Eric and Nora go, it pisses them off. Sizzle and Burn, baby!

Elsewhere, reluctant Pack Master, Alcide looks on as his pack continues to devour the corpse of Marcus. Alcide isn’t hungry enough to feast on the guts and intestines of the werewolf he killed, and passes on the offer. Apparently, it’s disrespectful to turn down a helping of dead Were-innards, and before Alcide can leave, Marcus’s mother lets him know that, although her son wasn’t perfect, he deserves respect. Mothers are often so blind. When I said that Alcide is a “reluctant pack master,” I mean he has absolutely no intentions of leading the pack – at all. Marcus’s mom (I really don’t know her name) says what he wants is irrelevant to their laws. I have a feeling that before it’s all said and done, Alcide will be Pack Master.

Did you know that Terry Bellefleur has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Well, that shit has gotten 10x worse now that his ex-army buddy, Patrick, has rolled into town. He is standing over a sleeping Arlene, and she damn near jumps out of her skin when her eyes pop open, and she sees him there. Sitting up, she reaches her hand up to him and (THWAP!!) Terry slaps her arm down and says, “We’re all going to die. They’re coming for us.” OMG! … Who is “they?” We see a cryptic flashback of his time in combat, but it’s not as if we can really glean what happened from the snippet we are shown. Arlene, literally, slaps him out of it and is all like, “WTF?” Later on, Arlene goes to Patrick to try to get some answers, but of course, he doesn’t tell her anything. Terry shows up, and after they send Arlene on her merry way, Terry confesses that he knows where the guy Patrick is looking for is and they uh… go looking for him.

Meanwhile, Tara is ripping and tearing through Sookie’s house trashing shit. It’s any wonder that house is even still standing between Maryanne and Tara and all of the other evil that his swept through its doors.

“Grab her!” Sookie says to Lafayette when Tara stops for a moment, squatting on the sink like she’s Gollum, or something. Lafayette gives Sookie that, “Hooker, is you crazy?” look, but she convinces him to go for a bottle of True Blood in the cabinet so that they could um… lure Tara, like she’s a starving cat, to her food. Yea, that shit was never going to work. There must be a room left, that has not been totally wrecked, because after she attacks Lafayette, and slaps herself  few dozen times in her face, she zips off to trash Sook’s house some more.

Pam returns to Fangtasia to check in with Ginger, who is frazzled because she had to open alone. All Pam wants to know is if Ginger has heard from Eric. FLASHBACK TIME! This is the first time we are getting a glimpse of what Pam was like before she was made. Turns out, she was a madam at a brothel in San Francisco in 1905. Who is surprised? Looks like there is some Jack the Ripper type on the loose, taking out harlots and hos in the SF. Pam comes face to face with him one night, for some reason she is out walking the streets  alone. This is when Eric, in all of his delicious fineness, drops in to save the day.

After Nora helps Sam to her place, Marcus’s mom’s shows up to lay claim to her grandbaby, Emma, but Luna ain’t trying to hear none of that. “What if she is a werewolf?” Emma’s grandmother wants to know, “For all you know, she is a shifter,” Emma replies. Well, by the end of the episode, we find out that Emma is, indeed, a werewolf in the most adorable way possible.

Back at the house of terrors, (or Taras?) Tara has made her way upstairs, and Sook and Lafayette are just trying to figure out how to get her into Eric’s cubby; you know the one he built when he bought Sook’s house out from under her? Well, it is definitely coming in handy now. They devise a plan that involves Lafayette slicing open his arm and letting Tara feed from him so that Sookie can sneak up and wrap some thick ass silver chains around her. They then dump Tara into the cubby, thus saving her from being incinerated at sunrise. Tada!

Jason and Andy are on patrol when they come across Debbie’s truck, which is sure to set up the storyline about her being missing. Her tooth is still under the counter at Sook’s place, so I am sure that will tie in together at some point. Andy makes me, and Jason, proud when he turns over that vial of V he finds in Deb’s truck.

Sookie makes a trip to the Stake House to load up on (turns out, ineffectual) gear to keep Tara in check. It is then that we see that Reverend Newlin is making the talk show circuit, having figured out how to intermingle his faith in Jesus with his newfound status as a vampire. “You see, I’m a Christian first, and a Vampire second.” Later on we see him bust in on Jessica’s frat.. sorority? party and offer to buy Jason for $10,000. After toying with him, getting his fangs all nice and rock hard, she tells him that Jason is her friend and is not for sale. She then tires of that whole “life of the party” thing and threatens to eat her partygoers if they don’t get the fuck out.

Side Note: LOL @ Steve Newlin’s dancing:

Jessica is really embracing that trashy vamper look she has going on.

As Sookie is putting up the liquid silver misters she got from the Stake House, she overhears Lafayette’s loud ass thoughts as he is trying to talk himself into staking Tara. She manages to talk him out of it, of course.

Back at The Authority, Bill and Eric are questioned individually, and tortured when they don’t give their torturers the answers that they are looking for. During Bill’s interrogation, we are introduced to the original testament – the Vampire’s bible. This bible states that before God created Adam and Eve, he created Lilith, and like Lilith, God was vampire. Vampires were created in God’s image, not humans. The bible goes on to state Adam and Eve’s true purpose – to feed, er… “nourish” vampires. Bill’s torturer wants to know if he believes in the literal interpretation of the vampire bible – is he a fundamentalist? Bill says no, but either this sociopathic interrogator does not believe him, or he just wants to pump Bill’s veins full of refined silver. Eric’s interrogation isn’t going much better, but I have to say that the interrogators really stink at their job, in the end, they didn’t get anything out of them and none of their lies, nor torture methods, swayed them.

Oh, shit! Tara’s awake! And, she is never going to forgive Sookie or Lafayette for what they’ve done for to her. She then zips out the front door, getting hit with a spray of liquid silver in the process. She burns and screams before zipping off into the darkness.

The episode ends with Bill and Eric being brought before The Authority’s council of chancellors. I am pleased, delighted and THRILLED to see Doctore from Spartacus on the council! There is also this little kid there, which is interesting. The thought of a kid being turned 100s of years ago, and being stuck at that age is… depressing and intriguing at the same time. This is first time we are introduced to Roman, played by Christopher Meloni.

Sidebar: I am not going to lie. I just keep hoping that he has a nude scene at some point. Who hasn’t wanted to see Elliot Stabler naked? Come on! I know it’s not just me!

Roman goes through a ritual of feeding each of the council members a drop of his blood as he recites the following:

The Blood of Lilith, the first, the last, the eternal. We are born of Lilith, she who was created in God’s image.

The first, the last, the eternal. We swear fealty to the Blood and to the Progenitor.

The first, the last, the eternal. Lord and Lilith, Father and Mother, protect us as we protect you, from this day until the hour of the True Death…

And in Lord and Lilith’s name we say…Vampyr.

Oooo. I almost got chills! But… I am confused. It seems that these vampires believe the teachings of the original texts, of the original testament, but in order to mainstream, they cannot let the world know that they do. Is that it? They want to put humans at ease so that, ultimately, they can take over and finally have a Vampire’s utopia where humans only purpose is to be Vampire’s food??? I don’t know.

Anyway, after the ritual is complete, Roman goes on to list all of Eric and Bills fuck ups; in fact Nan Flanagan called them Fuck Up 1, and Fuck Up 2. Because that’s just how much the fucked up! Roman seems to really enjoy hearing himself talk and putting on a show for his audience. After threatening to stake Bill, because he is really really really MAD at him, he doesn’t, of course… He was just pounding his chest, figuratively speaking. A few of the chancellors at the meeting have a chance to speak and of course, Doctore votes for Bill and Eric to have their lives spared. He’s awesome everywhere! But, then the kid pipes up to say that he ain’t down for that because they killed an authority member. Someone needs a nap! Or, at least, a timeout!

In the end, Roman finally sentences the duo to the True Death, but Bill tells him something that changes everything! Dun dun DUN!!! Russell Edgington is still alive!! And, apparently, because they need Bill and Eric to help catch him, by playing bait, they change their mind about that whole True Deathing thing. I guess the BFFs knew that one day they would be captured by The Authority, and that they would need to use Russell as a get out of jail free card. Isn’t that the only thing that makes sense? This whole, “He deserves to suffer!” thing is just a bit weak. I guess they figured that concrete would hold him forever.

At the end, we get a shot of someone who vaguely resembles Russell healing up and it’s just gross. I don’t want to think about it.

Jason Stackhouse: During this episode, Jason gets attacked by a teenager whose mother he fucked. “Have you fucked every woman in town?” Andy wants to know. Jason thinks he almost has. But, who is keeping count? Later, Jason goes to Hoyt’s mother’s house to attempt to get Hoyt to see the light, because living with that crazy ass mother of his is just… well, crazy! Hoyt is hearing none of that and says fuck a lot, just because his mother hates it. As Jason is leaving, Maxine puts on a show of support for her son, yelling at Jason, asking how he could betray her son in such a way; at the door she thanks Jason for getting that “red-haired slut” out of Hoyt’s life. She’s gon’ bake him a pie! Speaking of pie… “That’s like eating the pie, without paying for the cow,” is his words of wisdom to Andy when he expresses concern over his witch-lady avoiding him. Damn I love that Jason Stackhouse.

So, that’s my True Blood recap for this week! Next week seems action packed and I can’t wait!

Ciao, and remember, if you like what you’ve read here, be sure to follow my blog and share it with your friends and family, and even people you don’t like! Just share!

Updated to add:

“Anyone who has been dead for three days knows where we are coming from,” Steve Newlin on intermingling faith with vampirism.

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You mean THAT @$!%! killed Rosie??? The Killing Season 2 Finale Recap – Spoilers Within

I am not going to do a full review of The Killing, because as I stated before, I am pretty much over the entire franchise. If there is a season 3, perhaps I will watch, I don’t know. I’m a little torn because part of me feel that perhaps they have learned their lesson from what they did wrong in the first two seasons and, based upon that, they will be able to make changes. Another part of me feels as if I will never care about Holden(Holder/Linden) and it’s hard for me to follow a story about characters that I just don’t give a flip about. Perhaps I will just wait until season 3 wraps and watch it on Netflix. Who knows? I don’t actually plan that far into the future – ever, so why start now?

Anyway, this weeks episode starts off with us getting a glimpse into Rosie’s final day. We get a look at how happy the family was, on the surface. They also give us this sense of “nostalgia” in her knowing that she will be running away from home. Throughout the episode, we get inner cuts of what actually happened the day she died.

At the home of Jamie and Ted Wright, Darren Richmond is trying to figure out why Jamie has been lying to him, and Jamie’s grandfather is all too happy to put into Darren’s head that Jamie wasn’t really home the night of Rosie’s death. Jamie wheels Richmond away while unsuccessfully shushing his grandfather. He takes Darren back to campaign headquarters, when they really were due at the rally where Richmond would celebrate his victory. Yes, Richmond was elected mayor. Meanwhile, Holden and Gwen are frantically looking for both Richmond and Jamie, and they start to put things together more quickly than they have put together any two clues at any point in the 25 episodes that have aired previously. They figure out that Richmond is in trouble; because Jamie is dangerous.

Long story short, Holden + Gwen track the duo to campaign headquarters where Eric Ladin (Jamie) is trying his best to come across as psycho as he holds Darren at gunpoint. Perhaps I am projecting, but I can almost see him thinking, “I can’t believe this is how this story is playing out,” beneath the surface. But, I digress. During this time, we find out how Rosie was discovered at the Indian casino; holding a camera. For some reason she completely overreacts and starts screaming, at which point Jamie had to subdue her by grabbing her up and, “accidentally,” smashing her head against the ground.

This is why I say she overreacts – I guess that if a group of adults are meeting at the construction site of a hotel casino, in the middle of the night, it stands to reason that they are doing it not to be seen, but I almost felt as if she witnessed something much more traumatizing; like, a murder, perhaps? Also, she’s 16! She doesn’t know who the hell any of those people were or why they were there. For all she knew, they were talking about something to do with the construction site.It just felt like she went from, “I swear I didn’t see anything,” to bloodcurdling screams. I don’t know. I mean, I get the gist of what they were going for, but I just don’t think it played out well.  Eh, whatever. Ultimately, Holder has to put Jamie down to save them all.

The show then continues down the path of tying up loose ends here and there. I liked the part where Lt. Carlson congratulates Holden on a job well done – considering he did as little as humanly possible to help them and actually kicked them off the case and committed Linden to a mental hospital, I found that amusing. I still don’t know how they remained ON the case, but who cares at this point?

The Larsen family is working to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives, deciding to move into another home. Mitch never really has to answer for abandoning the family, imo. She pretty much was allowed to go away, cheat on her husband, and come back home with no consequences. Does that happen in real life?

The… uh, climax? of the finale occurs when Holden goes to inform the Larsens that they got Rosie’s killer. The Larsens aren’t home, however, only Aunt Terry. Holden tells her that they got the killer and they wanted to wait for the Larsens to return before they shared with her who it was. Terry says she has to go upstairs to finish packing, or something, but you can sense that she was about to have some kind of emotional breakdown. Then we see the broken tail light and, again, Holden (mostly Linden) puts together 2 and 2 at lightening speed and realize that Terry was actually there the night Rosie died. They go upstairs and find Terry in Rosie’s room, which is in the process of being packed up. They then show us what actually led to Rosie’s death.

Sidebar: Before I continue, here is the “conspiracy” – Jamie made a deal with Nicole and Ames to bury Indian bones on land they wanted to develop. In exchange for hefty donations, and the support of Nicole’s Indians (yea, she pretty much owns them like property at this point), Jamie was going to get Richmond to vote in favor of… something that would make Nicole happy. That’s why they had to meet under the cloak of darkness on the 10th floor of an Indian casino; to hash out those details. Yea, I’m fuzzy on the details, but really, I didn’t have the interest in  paying close attention.

The night Rosie was caught and thrown into the trunk of the Richmond campaign car, Terry and Ames was preparing to go to… Vegas, I believe. Jamie calls before that happens and they meet up at the lake that Rosie drowned in. Jamie and Ames begin arguing about what to do about Rosie. Jamie starts to say things that Terry likes, and was desperate to hear, specifically, “You can finally leave your wife and be with Terry.” Well, that’ all Terry has hear do to get herself into motion. She gets out of her car and walks over to the campaign car,  opens the door, puts the car into drive, and watches it as it rolls into the water. We can hear the girl screams from the trunk. Done. “See?? I solved the problem for both of yous.”

“I didn’t know it was Rosie!” Terry wails. Well, you knew it was SOMEBODY’S Rosie; and the irony is that it was YOUR Rosie, you self-serving bitch. Sorry. That was me trying to give a fuck. Literally, in that moment, I felt me forcing myself to have some kind of “emotion” about the revelation that Terry killed her own niece. “You mean… the ENTIRE time, when you were playing the ‘good aunt,’ and sister, and sister in law, (I MEAN YOU EVEN KISSED YOUR SISTER’S HUSBAND) you knew what had happened to Rosie?!?!!??? Because, YOU did it?!?! OVER SOME DICK PENIS? You are a crappy woman, missus!” But, in the end, after two years and 26 episodes, I just didn’t really care who killed Rosie Larsen. I would have cared at the end of season 1. I would have cared if I liked and/or empathized with the characters during season 2. But, I don’t care now and there is nothing I can do about it.

Bring on Breaking Bad!

To read an absolutely HILARIOUS take on The Killing’s Season finale, check out Jacob Clifton’s recap at Television Without Pity.

Thanks for reading. If you like what see, please follow my blog and share it with your friends and family and even people you might not even like!

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Series Premiere – Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 1 Episode 1: The ‘A’ List Review

BEWARE: Profanity below! Check out my review for Episode 2 of Love and Hip-Hop Atlanta.

First of all, I gotta say that the opening for this reality show has got to be the most dramatic I’ve ever seen. This should already tell us what we have in store for us for this season! I am from Atlanta, so it will be very interesting to see how my city plays out from this angle. We already have the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta plays to a younger demographic.

Here is the cast (L-R): K Michelle, Karlie Redd, Rasheeda, Mimi Faust, Joseline, & Erica Dixon

We start out the series premiere with Mimi and her man, Stevie J. They have been together fifteen years, which means that she has likely been cheated on hundreds of times and probably has had to make a few trips to the clinic along the way. Is that mean? Anyway, they have a 2-year-old daughter named Eva and Mimi is just ready for Stevie to man up. So, Stevie has Mimi driving them way outside of Atlanta, to the suburbs where he has a surprise waiting for her. When they reach their destination, we see that it is a house, which is a gift to her. I’m a little confused though, are they moving into that house, together, or is he just giving it to her? Is he kicking her out of the place they currently live? At any rate, when people start giving you gifts as big as an entire house, you pretty much know that they done fucked up.

Mimi is not really feeling him moving her all the way out into the suburbs. From where it looks like they are, it is a good 30-45 minutes outside of Atlanta. Stevie is all like, “Look hoe, you better take this house and be glad I’m not tossing you into some glorified  apartment. You know how many bitches wish I was buying them a house right now? You ungrateful cunt!” Okay, he didn’t say any of that. That was just me reading in between the lines. He did make it clear that he still is not going to be around “like that” because he gotta get his money.

Next up is Erica. She’s a single mother and she has been dating the rapper Lil Scrappy on and off for about 10 years. They have a 6-year-old daughter named Imani. Lil Scrappy pops up on screen for 2 seconds to ignorantly proclaim some stuff about his affinity for the city of Atlanta, where he was born, and, apparently, will die. After his career took off, Lil Scrappy had a public affair with an Atlanta rapper named Diamond and it hurted Erica’s feelings.  Diamond dumped Lil Scrappy to get with something bigger and better (OK, I don’t know if he is better) Soulja Boy, and Scrappy went crawling back to Erica with his tail between his legs. And, of course, she took him back. She clearly has a high sense of self-worth. Lil Scrimpy takes a pause to think when Erica asks him if he thinks he would be with her if Diamond hadn’t cheated on him. He comes up with a response that wouldn’t get him cut, and kept it moving. He tells her that she needs to give him more affection. You cheated on her, just how affectionate should she be?

It’s time to meet the singer on the show, K. Michelle. She is in the studio shouting into the microphone – shouting is not singing; someone needs to tell these young singers that. She is a single mother, a pianist and she rocks out with her cock out. She recently got out of a bad relationship and that’s what this album is about. She’s recording a break-up song, and once she gets into the groove, she does sound considerably better. Later in the show, she meets with Rasheeda to express her displeasure with her ex-record label and to tell her about the bad relationship she ended up in with the man who signed her to the record deal. She said he gave her everything she thought she wanted until one day he flipped and beat her ass. He even stole the money that was reserved for her recording budget ($2 Million!)to buy himself flashy jewelry, and in the end, she had nothing to show for it; not even the album. Even though other people knew what was going on, they did nothing to help her. The nature of the beast. (I presume that she cannot mention this man’s name on the show, based upon how cryptic she was in that regard. Allegedly, the man in question is Memphitz. Memphitz is currently married to Toya. If he really is as violent as K Michelle claims, I hope Toya don’t ever feel that wrath.)

Mimi goes to visit her friend, Ariane, (somebody should have told her mother that does not spell “Erin”) to whine about about Stevie J giving her a big ass house in the suburbs. Ungrateful! I mean, so what if it is out in the boonies and it will be harder for you to roll up to the studio to see what skank he fucking? It’s a new house! Anyway, she and Ariane have known each other for about 7 or 8 years and she knows all of the ups and downs, ins and outs, of Mimi’s relationship with her man. Ariane reads the situation pretty quickly and is all like, “Is the dick THAT good?” OK, now we all know good well that what keeps her in the relationship is the money and status. These women kill me trying to act as if that has nothing to do with it and that they aren’t at least part golddigger. OWN WHO YOU ARE. Mimi says that she has never met a dick that made her do cartwheels – but she has met a paycheck! Ariane pretty much tells her that she accepts the behavior by staying with him. I concur! Side Note: Evelyn needs to take notes on how to cry on cue from these chicks. They make real tears and everything.

Looking like a po’ man’s Rihanna

Next, we travel to Kirkwood, which is in east Atlanta, to meet the show’s Latina flavor, Joseline (real name Shenellica, scroll down to see her mugshot). She gets a video ho vixen entrance before we see her little clip stating that she is a rapper, actress, and dancer. We got a triple threat y’all! She does have a nice ass (is it real?), but that weave is TRAGIC. So, she’s at Stevie J’s Studio, Block Studios. The first thing she does is show off her ass and he gives it a nice smack. Turns out, they’re fucking. Now, we already knew they were fucking, but I didn’t expect them to make it so obvious. I thought it would be one of those coy, “He’s just my producer/manager/everything, but we ain’t fucking,” kind of things. Nope. She puts that shit right on the table. I think I might actually respect that. Wait; scratch that. Did this bitch just say that Stevie fucks her brain? Yea… I take that respect thing back. She says that she wants Stevie forever. Good luck with that one.

Momma Dee

Lil Scrappy heads over to his mother’s house, Momma Dee. My impression one sentence into Momma Dee’s introduction:  She doesn’t seem quite as ghetto fabulous as say… a Frankie or Nancy. I mean, it looks like she would be able to spell psychotic if she had to. ::sighs:: I guess I should have waited to hear her speak before I placed her above Frankie and Nancy. Once she begins to express her displeasure about the people working on her home, it becomes clear that she is a lot more hood than she portrays herself in the “confessional.” At least she knows how to act as if she has some home training when she has to…  Although, that gives me shades of Tami Roman. Tami knows how to act cool, calm and collected when she wants people to think she has sense, but eventually, the truth betrays her and we see exactly who she really is. Wait, how did I get back to Basketball Wives?

Anyway, Momma Dee used to pimp and sell crack back in the day. She did what she had to, to take care of her family. Even if what she did hurt the community she was raising them in even more. Yup, that makes sense! Momma Dee gives her son some advice on his relationship with Erica. She says that Erica doesn’t know how to show affection because she didn’t have a mother to show it to her while she was growing up; because her mother was a crackhead. Mmm…. I wonder if she bought her crack from Momma Dee? Lil Scrimpy ignorantly proclaims – I mean, dude is stupid – that affection has nothing to do with your mama. What? They move on to talking about Diamond and Momma Dee is determined not to let her son beat her out in the ignorance department and states that Diamond didn’t need a record deal, she needed a Massengill deal; because, apparently, she knows what her pussy smells like – and it stinks! She says that Diamond almost made her come out of early retirement and that she needed to put her on the track to sell that ass; since her son paid for it. All of this because Diamond did to her son, what her son did to Erica. What goes around comes around; if you are so wise, where is THAT wisdom, Momma Dee?

Momma Dee has Erica over to her house to have a heart to heart sit down, and to tell her all of the things she is doing wrong in her relationship with her son. “You gotta show him affection, hoe!” Erica says that she does show him affection. I’m sorry, if someone publicly humiliates me by cheating with another woman, I’m not going to be feeling all lovey, dovey with them. How is that even a reasonable expectation? I guess she is supposed to fake it for his sake, so that HE will feel better; what about her? Erica tells Momma Dee that she steps out of line as a mother, and Momma Dee tells her she doesn’t know what she is talking about because her mom was a crackhead. Erica said that she still had a mother figure in her life, she was raised by her aunt. Momma Dee says that Erica’s mother did crack in front of Erica, and that she would never do that. Yes, Momma Dee, the pimp and drug dealer is a much more superior mother than Erica’s. People like her is why Erica’s mom was able to get her hands on crack in the first place. People can’t smoke what they can’t get. HELLO? For the record, Erica denies that her mother ever smoked crack in front of her. Momma Dee goes on to have some “vision” about Diamond and Lil Scrimpy and some other stuff that I can’t follow. The bitch is crazy, and Erica confirms it when she gets Momma Dee to confirm that she has been off her meds for five days. That explains everything.

So, Mimi’s slow ass invites her man to dinner to discuss whether or not he is interested in living in their home, out in the sticks, together. Stevie says he’ll come home “more.” Bitch, please. Let me tell you from experience, the only way that man is going to be coming home from that studio is if he needs you to take care of him in some way. I mean, it has to be something major. A serious illness, perhaps. Otherwise, you are doing good to get him once a week.  Mimi lays on him this super duper awesome idea – “How about you build a studio in the house?” Stevie J was ready for that one, though! He was quick to outline why it isn’t such a great idea, stating that you get a different “vibe” when you are at the studio, and being there stokes his creative fire. Besides, how is he going to have Joseline around giving him head lap dances and such if he is working from home? Naw, that one ain’t going to work. We need to keep this here separate. “So, that means what?” Mimi wants to know. Seriously? Like I said… Sloooooooow.

So, Stevie really isn’t all that great at this double life stuff. He invites Joseline to meet with an industry dude – Antonio Reid, LA Reid’s son; and, Karlie Redd, a singer and rapper from Trinidad. She has been wanting to work with Stevie J for a while. He wants to know if she is going for that Trini-sound. She says, no… she is going for that “R & B Swag,” whatever that is. Seriously, you should be able to define yourself just a little bit better than that. I do respect that she can just perform on the spot and is not shy about it. Joseline takes to Karlie immediately and suggests, after they show off their hot-bods, that they do a song together.

We know that with these “reality” shows, we always have to have at least one episode – usually the premiere – where someone has some kind of party where things pop off. Well, Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta is no different. The ladies get together for K. Michelle’s birthday party and K. Michelle is ready for them to dance off beat. OK, that off beat dance of hers was cute… those shoes with the blonde hair weave on them? Not so much. She looks great otherwise.

Karlie is thrilled, and shocked, to see Mimi when she walks in. They were close back when they both lived in LA, but lost touch over the years. Question: How is it that she didn’t know that Stevie J was Mimi’s man? I mean, fifteen years is a long time for Karlie NOT to know who her good friend was fucking.  I guess the above is why it doesn’t come across quite so genuine when Karlie, out of the blue, starts to talk about Joseline and how real she is and how she is “ride or die” for her man. “Her man is Stevie J,” she says. Of course, Mimi and Ariane jump in to say that he is not Joseline’s man because he’s Mimi’s man! Karlie tries hard to pull off that, “Oh shit!” look, but she doesn’t do it that well. She keeps insisting over and over again that Stevie J is Josaline’s man because she “seen” it with her own two eyes. So, of course Stevie rolls into the club with Josaline as they are discussing the issue and this whole thing is looking more and more contrived by the second. K. Michelle plays Kesha for a moment, and got ghost, with a couple of the other girls, when the duo arrives at her table. I mean, K Michelle just got her hair done and she is not looking to get any drinks thrown onto it. What I need to know is why Stevie asks Mimi to go over and talk to Josaline? I guess he thinks she is going to be able to squelch Mimi’s fear that the two of them are fucking. Mimi tells Joseline that she has been going through so much with Stevie, as if Joseline gives a fuck.

While I feel that Karlie was intentionally being messy, she is at least going up to Mimi and asking her if she needs to make a choice between her, and working with Stevie in the studio. Mimi says that she would never put her in that position. Ariane wants to know what led Karlie to believe that Joseline and Stevie were “together.” Side Note: Anyone else think that Joseline sounds… “slow,” when she speaks? Anyway, she threatens Karlie, stating that she is being asked questions that will “fuck her up” in the end. In response to that, Karlie goes on to call Joseline and Stevie J all the way out, letting Mimi know how they were acting at lunch and that she did see them kissing. So, I guess Karlie has decided that she won’t be working with Stevie, after all. He calls her a rat, in confessional, but I would call that being a good friend. I STILL don’t know how she didn’t know her so-called friend was in a relationship with Stevie J. But, this is “reality” TV, which means it’s the exact opposite of that. Mimi doesn’t want to hear his lame, weak denials, and Stevie and Joseline accuse Karlie of getting a kick out of the mess SHE started. Really? I think the mess started when y’all started fucking. Just a hunch!

Ariane tries to save her friend, but Mimi just sits there as if she doesn’t know how to get up. Eventually, she figures it out and they exit stage left. Stevie J jumps over the couch to chase after Mimi, and Joseline throws a drink at him to single him back and let him know that she is not happy. Like the mindless, “I think with my dick,” puppy that he is. He runs back to Joseline and escorts her out the club. He then decides he must not be looking like much of a man, so he throws a drink back at Joseline once they are outside, messing up her “forur” wrap. Someone needs to tell her that “fur” only has one syllable.

Joseline goes to sit in the car and Mimi is standing by as Stevie follows behind, getting into the backseat with Josaline. Mimi is all like, “Really?” Yes, bitch, REALLY! She stalks up to the car and throws the door open and Stevie was like, “It wasn’t me!” “I was looking for you!” Joseline just wishes that Mimi would go home and “deal with her emotion” so that she and Stevie can go to the studio, where she is going to make him a billion dollars. I guess in her language “making a billion dollars” means “choking on ones dick.” In the end, after unsuccessfully convincing Mimi to go with both he and Joseline (huh?), Stevie decides to ride off with Joseline, and that’s where the show ends.

Based on the previews, this season is going to be a hot ass, drama-filled, mess; and I can’t wait!

Thanks for reading my review! If you would like to see the full episode before the premiere on Monday, Miss Jia has it up.  Check it out on her site!

If you like what you see, be sure to follow my blog to keep up with all of my recaps, and share it with your friends!

Peace.

Update:

Did, I say my name was Joseline, Daddy? I meant Shenellica!

The above is a mugshot of someone named Shenellica. Looks like Jos has had a lot of work done. I don’t blame her for changing her name, though. “Shenellica” is tragic.

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The Killing Recap: The Difference Between Wright and Wrong

To read my “The Killing” Season 2 finale recap, and to find out who killed Rosie, click here.

I have been wanting to do a recap for The Killing for the last two episodes (I’ve only had this blog that long) and I just have not had the energy. This show just drains me in a way no source of entertainment should EVER drain you; especially if one is sitting on their ass the entire time. I mean, I thought recapping Game of Thrones would be scary, what with all of those characters and intricate storylines to follow, but even that feels like a walk in the park compared to trying to recap The Killing. Thankfully Starlee Kline over at Vulture.com sums it up for me in ways that I just don’t think  I could ever do; even if I had the energy to tackle it.

Season 1 of The Killing was superb – until we got to the end and realize we would have to wait over a year to figure out who killed Rosie. OK, fine, that’s a little disappointing but I think that I am somewhat patient, and if the show continued to be delivered in an interesting way, I can wait it out. Problem – the show ceased to be delivered in an interesting way. Instead it turned into Red Herring Central, and inevitably, anyone who looked like a suspect never really was one. Also, I hate every character on the show. I somewhat tolerate Holder, but he looks like a wet rat half of the time and he’s sort of a taller, lankier version of Breaking Bad‘s Slim Shady. If they would have at least made some of the characters likeable AND people that we could relate to, if they would have made them into people who we actually gave two shits about, I could have stomached it more. I feel an immense amount of empathy and sorrow for the neglected children on the show – Jack, Tod, and Rod. Rod… I’m kind of scared of him. I mean, in some alternate universe, where The Killing would actually survive for five+ seasons, I could see the final season being about capturing Rod the Serial killer. Even considering that, I feel bad for him, too.  But that is just flat out depressing. I get no entertainment out of it. Linden, the main protagonist, should be someone that people root for, but you can’t root for someone who neglects their child and is damn near oblivious to the fact that she does it. And, even this past episode she is blaming someone else for her having to send Jack to live with her father – whom she kept him from for years. I.Don’t.Like.Her!

Honestly, I fell asleep on The Killing Sunday night. I decided I needed a nap before watching Mad Men and True Blood (read my True Blood recap here!) and that I would just read Starlee Kline’s recap the next day. At this point, The Killing is literally That Show I’m Watching to See Who Dunnit. I have zero desire to see a season 3.

What that said, I present to you… Starlee Kline’s Review:

So remember that time in the magic hospital room when Jamie brought up his grandfather/father/uncle Ted Wright and we thought it was just a lame parable that he pulled out of thin air in order to get Richmond out of bed? And then remember how when Richmond brought up Ted Wright again, during his fake CNN-type interview, we thought, That’s weird. I guess the writers couldn’t come up with another sentence for him to say. When he brought him up again in last week’s episode, during the most important speech of his career, right before he dropped the mike onto the floor in an unintended moment of hilarity, we were so numb to the lazy maneuverings thrown to us by This Show that we didn’t even bother to formulate a rant against it in our minds.” Surely, though, that would be the last time we would hear about him, not that it was this close to the end. Out of all the dropped story lines there was no way that would be the one the show would bother returning to, especially since it wasn’t really a story line at all.

Right?

I’ll return back to that question at the end of this recap. À la Veena Sud.

We begin with Linden and Holder watching the news of Richmond’s announcement on the television in his office. The news camera helpfully lingers on Jamie and Gwen as Linden and Holder identify them as their new prime suspects, throwing me into a momentary spiral of uncertainty as I contemplate whether this makes the cameraman good or bad at his job. Suddenly they’re surrounded by cops but Linden has a plan. She’s going to use the doctored Richmond photo as leverage against Mayor Adams. It’s a solid enough strategy, which is why it’s confusing that she has only now thought to use it. It feels very similar to last week when she and Holder were like, “We need to get back into that casino. I guess maybe we could get a search warrant?” and then they just DID, making the whole Holder-gets-beat-to-a-bloody-pulp-while-Linden-gets-committed-to-an-insane-asylum plotline feel even sillier than it already had.

Continue Reading: The Killing Recap: The Difference Between Wright and Wrong.

My Favorite Basketball Wives Season 4, Reunion Reviews

Here is a collection of my favorite Basketball Wives, Season 4 Reviews from YouTube. If you like what you see, be sure to LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to these up and coming youtubers and be sure to let them know that @DeAnnaMisrahi sent ya!

Be forewarned, there is a fair amount of profanity in the videos below, so keep that in mind BEFORE watching.

My favorite part of the video below starts at 10:30 where  Bbondy1 tells us what Tami was REALLY saying when she was attempting to explain her actions to Kesha.

This next video is by ZiggysCorner101. She’s from across the pond, and it is just really interesting to hear someone’s take who isn’t quite as immersed in American culture as we Americans are. Also, she was the closest thing to a deferring opinion I’ve found on the subjects of Tami/Kesha Ev/Jennifer. I don’t agree 100% with her take, but quite enjoyed her spirit! Besides, we all know that when a Brit discusses something, it automatically sounds 10x classier. lol. Oh, and I don’t think she used any profanity, so you are safe on that front.

This next YouTuber, AshleyMiller1987, always keepz it all the way realz with her reviews.

This is the first time I’ve watched a video by passionateangel25, but I was very entertained!

 

I am still waiting for theskorpionshow to upload their video with their little BBW Reunion recap. This space is reserved for them!

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Basketball Wives Season 4 Reunion Review, Part 1

CLICK HERE to read my Part 2 recap of the Basketball Wives Reunion.

To start the show off, we have clips from each of the women, from backstage, stating what their expectations are.

Royce: It can be a mess. I’m prepared for anything.

Kesha: I hope everyone can conduct themselves as ladies.

Kenya: (cheesing it up with wild eyes) I don’t know what to expect, this is my first time doing this!

Suzie: I am just expecting pure chaos.

Evelyn: I don’t know what to expect.

Tami: What you want to happen and what will probably happen are two different things. To be honest, I’ve been dreading this day.

Jennifer: I know there is going to be drama. I’m not excited about that. I want to be drama free.

Host John Salley is back to host the fourth season, Basketball Wives reunion. He welcomes us to a, “high speed chase down memory lane,” and goes around introducing each of the women, minus Jennifer. Shaunie gets the most applause. She must have her handlers in the audience “padding” them.

John explains that Jennifer is backstage, and would join them later. They have her up on a screen and he speaks to her briefly.

John starts things off with Evelyn. He hints at a surprise, to be revealed later in the show, suggesting the audience will be surprised. He goes on to express his shock at the level of animosity between Evelyn and Jennifer and wants to know if she thought that they would be able to clear things up during the reunion. Evelyn says that they have had plenty of time to resolve it, and it has not been resolved so far and probably won’t be.

John asks how Evelyn feels that Jennifer is backstage, and not on stage with them. Evelyn thinks that is best because a lot is going on, legally, and it has just become “something big.” She says that she and Jennifer will never be friends again.

John mentions the controversy surrounding this season, specifically in regards to the violence and Shaunie. Shaunie says that it has been a personal struggle for her since she is not one to fight. Not that she is perfect or anything. She admits to getting “out of character” at times, and seeing aspects of herself that she does not like.

Sidebar: Shaunie is a producer and she always seems hyperaware of how she appears on camera. It is like when someone decides to record a conversation with someone else without his or her knowledge. The person they speak to are candid and honest, while the person making the recording is reserved and measured. That is Shaunie.

Shaunie went on to say this season was bananas, and that there was more bad than good. Although there were mostly bad moments, there were also good moments such as Tami and Evelyn going to get their mammograms and her daughter’s birthday party. She acknowledges that the show needs more of a balance, with the good and bad, and “now” everyone is on the same page in that regards. To me, she made it sound as if she always wanted this balance, but no one else was on that page with her until this year when they received the negative backlash. At any rate, Shaunie says that they now have their act together. Amazing how that happened overnight.

Next, we are shown a video montage of Kesha and Kenya’s integration into the crew. We see Suzie and Evelyn watching Kenya’s horrible YouTube video; Kesha telling Kenya that she is not ready for Beyonce status, and how she does not want to be part of something that isn’t going to be done right; and, the confrontation between Kesha and Kenya (hosted by Evelyn and Tami) where Kenya pretended she was going to kick Kesha’s ass, and Kesha ran off.

John jokes that Kesha is fast and then asks Kenya if she feels that she is starting her singing career too late in life, and if she thinks it is realistic. Of course, she does. She says there are no limits on dreams. The age you are, the stage you are in life, does not determine what you can and cannot do. (Although I agree that there are exceptions to the rule; Kenya is not that exception. She has no discernible talent that I can see.) John asks Kesha if she has any words of wisdom to bestow upon Kenya at this point. Kesha and Kenya both say no. We all know that Kenya does not like hearing the truth!

It is Tami and Kesha’s turn and we are shown clips of Tami asking if Kesha is white; Kesha’s subsequent conversation with Evelyn regarding how she felt about the way that Tami asked her that; the Bitch, Bitch, and more Bitch dinner (with Kenya laughing like a cracked out hyena); Kesha’s “I could have said” clip; the clip of Tami going off on Kesha in Tahiti; and a clip with Kesha saying that she could see humanity in Evelyn and Shaunie, but there was nothing human about Tami. She says that Tami could not be nice, even if she was swimming in a pool of sugar.

After the video montage is over, John asked Tami what got her going about Kesha. Tami directed her comments towards Kesha and said that if she has something to say to her, she is open to hearing it. She went on to say that Kesha made things ugly between them with the way that she took her comments. John wants to know if it would have made a difference if Kesha would have went directly to her. Tami claims that it would have made a difference.  We all know that you cannot prove a negative, but we can find at least one example with someone going directly to Tami, and Tami still being sour about it and wanting to end the friendship– Royce!

Tami went on to say “my bad” regarding the “stuff” in Tahiti. She acknowledges that she was disrespectful and that she should not have gone off in that manner, that she should have been able to articulate herself the way that she was articulating herself in that moment. However, she is still not apologizing for her blatant hypocrisy for her message – that Kesha only talks about Tami to Tami.

John makes a comment about Tami’s anger management working; and I laughed. Does anyone think that this is anything more than an act from Tami? It was John’s way to segue into the clips with Tami at her therapy sessions. John asks Tami if she thinks therapy  is working. Tami says yes and that she is trying to deal with some deep-rooted things, but she is not trying to make excuses for her behavior because she takes responsibility for it, apologizing again for doing the wrong thing in Tahiti.

Now, we are moving on to Kenya’s comment about Evelyn being loose. We see the clip, with Kesha telling Evelyn what Kenya said; then the clip where Sakara cosigns Kesha; and clip of the bottle-throwing incident at dinner.

John asked Evelyn if she felt that she went too far with throwing the bottle.

Cue the violins.

Evelyn said, absolutely, it was the wrong thing to do. She said that if there was one moment in life that she could take back, it would be that one. (Really? Not that tragic glittering lime eyeshadow?)

Why you crying, though? John wants to know. Evelyn said that it’s because she’s not proud of that moment. She recounts a time that she was driving in the car with her stepdaughters and how they thought it was funny. “It’s not funny,” she says, “I need to set a better example.” But, WILL you set a better example? That is the question.

John offers her some tissue. Evelyn gave him that, “What, you mean for these fake tears?” look and said no.

The separation of Mean and Evil (Jennifer and Evelyn) is the next topic of discussion. We see a clip of their first argument of season 4, where Evelyn confronted Jennifer about the blog that Jen claims she did not write. Then we see the clip of Shaunie’s birthday party, when Evelyn hit Jennifer with her bag.

Before bringing Jen out, John asks Evelyn what happened and if it was really the blog that started it all. Evelyn said it started with the interview that Jennifer did. She went on to say that she is loyal to her friends and that she never talks about Jennifer’s business when giving interviews because it is not her place. “You’re my girl, I have your back. She didn’t respect me.”

John then asks Shaunie if she regretted inviting both Evelyn and Shaunie to her birthday dinner. She said she didn’t because she let them know that each would be there.

Now it’s time to see the Jennifer and Nia confrontation and “fight.” John wants to know if any of the women saw that coming, they all said no. Shaunie says it was a lot of tension, but they didn’t think it would escalate to that point.

John asks Evelyn why she felt the need to jump across the table like and “pop off.”

Evelyn, “Jennifer has the world thinking that Nia is just my assistance. Nia and Jen were friends, when Jen’s accounts were frozen; Nia let her stay with her.” She mentions that, even though Jen made the comment about Nia not having anything, she was still suing her and it’s for attention. She says that Jen waited for the show to air before filed charges. (This does not seem possible considering we see her telling Kenya that she, “do what the white people do,” and got her lawyers on it; and, we saw Evelyn reading the police report to Tami.)

Jennifer makes her dramatic entrance to join the rest of the cast. She has bodyguards nearby, you know, just in case. We see Evelyn “calming her nerves” and taking a deep breath as Jennifer takes her seat.

John asks Jennifer if it feels strange keeping her distance from the group. Jen said no, and that it is what it is. At which point the audience reacted in a very over the top way. It was so over the top that I have to say that that was not their reaction to what she said, at all.

Jennifer wants to set the record straight about Nia. She says that they stayed at each other’s homes, that when Nia was in Miami, she stayed at Jennifer’s place, and when Jen was in New York, she stayed at Nia’s place. She goes on to say that if she really needed somewhere to stay, she could have lived with her mother. With this bit of context, Evelyn chimes in to say that, since Jennifer did not have a car at the time, she stayed with Nia so they could go out during the week. Now, didn’t Evelyn and Nia act as if Jennifer would have been on the streets, dumpster diving and shopping at the Goodwill, if it were not for Nia being there to play captain save-a-ho?

John makes an ignorant comment about Harlem being nice now, since white people live there. Seriously, I have lived in nice, low/no-crime BLACK neighborhoods all of my life. (I’m 33) It annoys me when people imply that black people can’t live in places like this – especially when it’s OTHER black people. But, I digress.

Jennifer claims that she does not have an issue with Nia, but it was her right to file the police report. She corrected Evelyn, saying that she filed the police report the same day and met with the state’s attorney’s office. She says that her lawyers could attest to that. Jennifer does concede that it was below the belt to go in on Nia about her financial status, but after she got smacked she was upset and said those things in anger.

To me, John has been hostile with Jennifer the entire time she has been out there. I get the sense that he really does not like her and when he questioned her about why she didn’t file a report against Eric, he sort of confirmed it for me. John pretty much calls Jen a hypocrite and says that it was a double standard, that she did not go after Eric in the way that she is going after Nia, legally speaking. Jennifer says that Eric threw a drink at her, and pretty much it wasn’t the same thing. John says that the glass hit Jen’s chin, which I don’t recall seeing. Clearly, Eric’s intent wasn’t to hit her, however. His intent was to look like a little bitch in front of millions of viewers humiliate Jen, but not physically fight her in the way that Nia wanted to physically fight her. In the end, Jennifer says that it is because Eric is her husband.

It’s time for Tami to jump in with her unsolicited advice.

“I just want you to be consistent and be an advocate for things all the way through. I have witnessed you bully Ashley Walker and she didn’t come back after that. And, now, you are saying you don’t want to be bullied. Acknowledge and admit what you’ve been a part of.”

Seriously? Is this Tami talking? Did I fall down and bump my head? Did someone shoot me up with crack? Meth? Whiteout?

Jennifer said that she doesn’t feel as if she bullied Ashley.

No, for real for real, am I fucking hallucinating? Tami is sitting there trying to explain bullying to Jennifer.  She is saying that, since Jennifer “intimidated” Ashley, it was a form of bullying.

Jennifer reiterates that she didn’t consider it bullying and that she doesn’t feel like she was being intimidating. All of the women, who were there at the time, including Royce, said that Ashley was intimidated.  Shaunie jumps in to say that Jennifer never apologizes for the things that she does. John asks Jennifer if she could say sorry for the blog. Jennifer gave one of those, “if I hurt you,” apologies that I never take seriously, but she managed to get the crowd to give her an applause anyway.

Jennifer goes on to say that she doesn’t apologize for progressing in life and Shaunie says that they all want to see each other grow, whether it is with Jennifer’s lip gloss line, or Tami’s failed, nonstarter hair weave line. Shaunie whines about how hard it is to remain friends, while being on a reality show, because you have to be so careful about what you say hurting someone’s feelings. She says that she thinks being on the show is what ruined Jennifer and Evelyn’s friendship. John said he disagreed, that it would have happened without the show because he does not go two days without talking to his best friend. Jennifer and Evelyn went months at a time without talking. Does anyone really care what John does?

Jennifer tries to explain her withdrawal from the group, saying that dealing with her divorce to Eric was a new situation for her. She said she took a step back from everyone because she had to deal with many things. Like, figuring out how to change a light bulb and how she was going to earn a living. She said that she did try to call Evelyn, and emailed her a few times, but she never responded.

Evelyn says that, back when Jennifer and Nia were still friends, Nia told Jennifer that Evelyn had a problem with her and the time that she reached out to Jennifer, Jennifer said she was busy. They were forced to talk about what was going on, for the show, which is why they ended up discussing it.

So, the big surprise ended up being that Evelyn took a polygraph test. John tells Jennifer she is next, and Jen says that she is game. We won’t know the results until next week.

I watched the clip for part 2 of the reunion, but was done when I saw the same Tami, who told Jennifer earlier that she was bullying Ashley because she was intimidating her, go in on Kesha saying that Kesha “felt she was bullied because she doesn’t know how to speak up for herself.”

People can keep thinking that Tami is actually changing, but I have yet to see any such evidence. Going on the Wendy Williams show and trying to squeeze out of couple of tears, and talking a good game, doesn’t mean that she has changed. 

Well, that’s it for this recap. I hope you enjoyed it.

See you next week!

Something Extra:

Kenya Bell released a “diss record” today, and I am sure that it is purely a coincidence that she did so the day of the much-awaited Basketball Wives reunion. The song, produced by Jazze Pha, is entitled, “Hate Me.” It is heavily auto-tuned and is nothing special. I tried listening to it once to get the gist of the lyrics, but it was extremely difficult. Listen at your own risk!

Here is what I managed to grab of the lyrics:

“I can’t stand that ho,” repeated over and over and over again

“When I pull up in my whip it’s like a video.”

“Them bitches hate me, they make me famous though.”

“If you think you can stop me then yous a silly ho.”

Bitch.Stop

This song is a repetitive, hot mess. The fact that they had to auto-tune her vocals to within an inch of its life displays that she cannot sing. The lack of creative lyrics displays that she cannot write. Her YouTube video displays that she cannot dance. Her tired, cheap wet and wavy weave displays that she cannot style her hair. The fact that she failed to mention one woman directly, or even indirectly, displays that she doesn’t know how to do a “diss record.” Can someone please tell me? Just tell me, please… Moving on.

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The Wendy William’s Show: Tami Roman Interview Review

Tami Roman visited the Wendy Williams Show a couple of days ago in another attempt to rehabilitate her toxic image.

The interview starts off light enough with Wendy Williams mentioning that she had been invited to Tami’s wedding to Kenny Anderson years before. Tami jokes that the only way she knew what was going on with Anderson was by listening to WW’s show on the radio, so of course she invited her to the wedding! Aw. So cute.  Tami draws sympathy from the crowd when she states that Anderson has little to nothing to do with their kids. Oh, and did you know that Tami is an actress who has appeared on Married with Children? Apparently, she is going to be a series regular on some show that she cannot speak of. Taking jobs from real actresses. SMH.

Sidebar: I am not at all a fan of Wendy Williams. I am watching this clip specifically to see for myself what Tami had to say and witness her crocodile tears. I find it hilarious that Williams has the nerve to state that she is embarrassed by Basketball Wives. I also find it amusing that Nicki Minaj has come out as boycotting Basketball Wives stating that it is an embarrassment to black women. It’s like being on another planet. Neither of those women are women that I would want any child to aspire to be. 

Wendy wants to know what Tami’s daughters think about the show. Tami, first, takes the time to thank Wendy for inviting her on the show because people are so quick to point the finger and organize boycotts, but no one is stepping up to “help them out.” Help them out? Why is it anyone’s responsibility to help them out?

Wendy asks how or why these women, who are relatively attractive, are so violent. Two people clap when Tami said that if you focus the camera on the lives of anyone, it will capture behavior that they would be ashamed of. I don’t know not one person that I could focus the camera on and find them acting the way that she did this season, but I digress.

Tami tries to squeeze out a few tears as she mentions that, “for the first time,” her daughters were embarrassed by her behavior. She never fully recognized the platform that VH1 had given her and now that she recognizes it, she will use her powers for good. Or something. She also mentions her children taking abuse via social networking.

Sidebar: I will say that I am 100% against people going after the kids of any celebrity on any of these shows for any reason. They are not the ones who signed up for this spotlight and they aren’t responsible for the actions of their parents. I find it hypocritical to go off on Tami for being a bully while bullying her children about things that they didn’t do.

Tami still insists that things were going on behind the scenes that drove her to respond the way that she did to Kesha. Even though these things happened, Tami acknowledges that she has to take responsibility for her own actions and not allow others dictate how she behaves. She “openly admits” that she was acting a “pure fool” and that she has since apologized to Kesha. She is trying to take responsibility for her actions. To this Wendy responds, “Aww, that’s nice!” And quickly keeps it moving. Yea, Wendy, after all these years, you should be able to fake sincerity a tad better than that.

Sidebar: I will pay a solid nickel, a 5 whole cents, to anyone who can point me in the direction of what it is that Kesha did that was so horrible that Tami’s only recourse was to go in on her. From what I have seen and read, Tami has yet to shed any light on that. I can only think that it is because she didn’t actually do anything more than what we’ve already seen – talk behind Tami’s back.

Wendy wants to know which Tami the viewers can look forward to in Season 5. Tami vows that she will never, ever see “that look” on her children’s faces again, which means she will have to behave herself. I foresee more therapy sessions in our future.

The rest of the interview is just fluff with WW asking Tami about drinking beer after liposuction, her heart scare (not “mini” heart attack) and showing off her suspect boyfriend. Tami says that he doesn’t watch the show, but when things get back to him, he just asks her, “What did you do?” in that playful sitcom kind of way where the wife/mom spends too much on a shopping spree and the husband/dad shakes his head and raises his arms in amused exasperation. Awww, shucks.

The end.

I can’t wait for the reunion show and will definitely do a review/recap Tuesday!

Thanks for dropping by!

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Basketball Wives Season 4 Finale Review

(I use profanity, so if you are offended by such language, turn back now.)

The season finale of Basketball Wives, Season 4, aired Monday, May 28, 2012 and I will add my voice to the chorus of those screaming, “FINALLY!”

This season has been a complete roller coaster ride from start to finish, and in the end it turned out to be the most insane  season of the entire franchise, including Basketball Wives LA featuring crazy ass Jackie Christie. This season was so ridiculous that Shaunie O’Neal felt the need to tack on to the end of Monday night’s episode that she is “worried” about people (especially black people) looking at her as if she is a hot ghetto mess. Sorry, Shaunie, you can’t unring that bell, baby doll. It has already been heard around the world.

Throughout the season, we’ve seen Shaunie act as if she is window dressing; or, perhaps, she was just watching the drama “live.” You know, as if it was a sporting event.

Shaunie: “Alcoholic beverage? CHECK. Food? CHECK. Alrightie, I’m ready for action! Oh, hell no, is that a wine bottle flying at my head? It’s all good. Are the ratings going up?”

So now for her to want to try to save face and say that she is bothered by how she is being perceived, it just reads as disingenuous. We all know that if the show had not gotten this kind of backlash, we would have never seen that scene with her pastor at the end. If she was as bothered by what was going on, she could have said something at the time. She would have put an end to it AT THE TIME. Not to mention that she’s an executive producer, I can’t imagine she didn’t know that these scenes were going to be shown and that she had no ability to try to play down the drama so it didn’t look at as bad as it did.. She probably thought that the drama would just make the show more popular, not encourage people to organize boycotts. Oops! I guess that gamble didn’t pay off. Your bad.

But, that’s enough on Shaunie for now. The season finale of Basketball Wives starts where last weeks episode left off. In Tahiti, a place that many would refer to as paradise, and all these “women” can do is argue and be ugly. Really? I guess it’s now a theme with these reality shows in general, especially the “Wives” shows, that there will be a major blow up and/or fight while on vacation. Basketball Wives had to outdo them all, however, and have no less than three different confrontations on their “vacation.” Some people even had multiple confrontations, ie Evelyn/Jen, Tami/Kesha; although Kesha’s was more a batterer/batteree situation.

So on this episode, we pick up with Evelyn going off about Jen, and how she’s no Barbie Doll and that her entire existence is a lie. “Give me a lie detecta test!” Bla bla bla. Kenya, Shaunie and Tami are standing there watching the tirade, and I guess Shaunie got bored or something, because she goes after Jen to talk to her. “Good,” I think. “She is being a good friend and wants to make sure that Jen is OK. Maybe she isn’t so bad aftera- Wait, what? Oh, it’s all Jen’s fault? Nevermind.”

Meanwhile, Kenya is attempting to be the voice of reason and speak to Evelyn as if she isn’t a belligerent hoodrat who wouldn’t know common sense if it smacked her in the face with one of those dead fish they left in Kenya’s room. This goes over about as well as a fat Chippendale and Evelyn simply does not want to hear it.

Jen tells Shaunie that she is over the drama. All of the tit for tat (or twit for twat?) back and forth BS they have going on (via Twitter and elsewhere) is old and tired. Shaunie is still insisting that it is all on Jen to stop doing whatever it is she is doing to upset Evelyn – because Shaunie clearly doesn’t know what that is. She just wants Jen to come out and make her ratings good speak to Evelyn in a cool, calm and collected manner.

Wait… what the? Oh god, is Evelyn crying? Really? Seriously? But, for real, for real? Aww, that’s right, go on over there and console your friend, Tami. ::rollseyes:: Bitch, please.

Sidebar: It has been clear all season whose side Tami and Shaunie are on in this Jen vs Ev showdown. They both claim that they are still friends with Jen and have no problem with her, but they’ve been making snide remarks (BEHIND HER BACK – I’m looking at you TAMI) about her all season. Are they salty because she has other friends now? I don’t know, nor do I care, I just wish that they would keep it real and say that they are Team Evelyn because they aren’t fooling anybody at this point.

In the end, Jen tells Shaunie that she doesn’t like that Evelyn always needs an audience to speak with her. I agree. What’s up with that?

So now the…. girls (I can’t call them women, nor ladies, because they act like neither, at the same time I feel ridiculous calling women in their 40’s “girls” but they just haven’t earned more respect than that.) So, now the girls are having lunch and Tami lights up as Shaunie walks over to the table because she can smell the drama oozing from her pores. Shaunie tells Evelyn that Jen is willing to talk to her one on one and that she thinks that Jen is scared of what Evelyn is going to say publicly. No, really? Do these women realize that generally people don’t hear these kinds of private conversations? You know, because they are private?

Shaunie says she has a feeling that this is going to get uglier. HELLO EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, maybe you can do something before it gets to that point? Maybe? No? OK.

Suzie hooks up with the other infantile females for dinner after spending the day recovering from a bug biting her eyelid. I’m going to call that karma. She is as clueless as ever as to why Jen doesn’t want to come out of the room and hang out with the group. Suzie is so stupid that I don’t even know if I can even bother being mad at her anymore. I keep thinking that maybe she is just playing dumb, but I don’t know anymore. I think she may have had a few braincells fucked out of her at some point, because otherwise I just don’t get it. At this point, the children can’t help but to make fun of Kenya and the fish one last time. I am just glad that Kenya didn’t give them the reaction they were so desperate for. She never mentioned it and there is nothing they can do about it. Ha. Suck on that!

Karma hits Tami next by way of a bird pooping on her. The toddlers are having a nice laugh about it when, next thing we know, Town Crier Suzie yells out, “She’s coming!” as Jen exits her room. Jen decided, after gathering her thoughts, that she would go out to speak with everyone. So much for that 1 on 1 thing.

Evelyn feels the need to remind Jen again, that everything is her fault. Jen wants to know if they are still talking about the drama in Italy. Evelyn said it was a “chained of events” that occurred and she doesn’t like when Jen does interviews.

Sidebar: I will say this, I do think that Jen plays innocent and dumb and acts as if she doesn’t know what Evelyn is talking about. The whole “I don’t write all my blogs” thing is a cop out. Anytime you put your name on something, you had better know what it is being associated with. (I didn’t go for that when Ron Paul said it about his newsletter, and I don’t go for it here.) A part of me can understand why that would be frustrating to Evelyn, because it would frustrate me. The problem is that Evelyn takes her reactions to the extreme and it’s hard to defend her after that.

Evelyn then goes on to talk about how Jen did an interview after Nya, or Nia, whatever, slapped her. Jen denies doing an interview, and this is where things start to resemble tag wrestling in that Tami has to jump in to tell Jen she is lying because she is friends with the owner of Sister 2 Sister magazine (Jamie Foster Brown) and that she was told that Jen gave her an interview. Tami herself, Queen Almighty, read the actual transcript! Jen says they had a “conversation,” and it wasn’t an interview. Again, I’m a little iffy on what Jen is willing to own up to so I think the truth is that she gave the interview but has convinced herself it was an innocent conversation.

Evelyn drags ol’ lispy into the conversation saying that she knows what’s really real with Jen. Bla bla bla. We have a flashback to the whole Vegas thing – the thing that Evelyn deemed so backstabby that she had to kick Suzie out of “the circle,” but yet just a few moments later, she does the same thing to Jen when mentioning her screwing a guy without a condom – in Vegas! Really?

Tami and Evelyn are truly cut from the same cloth, which I guess is why Tami has been so able to get over Ev fucking her man. They are both loud mouth, belligerent hypocrites who expect people to live by rules they themselves do not live by. Who died and made them ruler of the universe?

So, after Evelyn and Jen go back and forth about who is the biggest hoe, (I call it Kim and Marlo 2.0) Evelyn allows the other women to speak.

Tami – “I’m offended that you weren’t here, then you get here and stay in your room.” Who cares what you are offended by, Tami? I’m starting to think this bitch has bipolar because delusions of grandiosity fits the bill with her.

Evelyn calls Jen the “new” Non-MFing factor and dismisses her from the conversation.

Sidebar: I find it interesting that they are playing a song about “Playing the Victim” in the background. I can’t tell if they mean for it to apply to Evelyn or Jen. Perhaps it’s both, but honestly Evelyn acts like her hands are totally clean in all of this drama and it is beyond old.

Some more stuff happened before they left Tahiti but, I’m just going to fast forward pass most of it because this is long enough already. In the end, Jen and Kenya decided to leave early. Slimy Suzie sees them leaving, but she just hides beneath the water like the sneaky snake that she is.

At the dinner before leaving Tahiti, Evelyn gives the remaining women her little makeup kit and Tami throws all kinds of shade on Jen for having only 4… uh,  shades of lip gloss. They cry and try to pretend as if they actually all have hearts. Whatever.

Back in Miami

Royce meets up with Tami for lunch and confronts her about how she attacked Kesha while in Tahiti. Tami is just absolutely incensed that anyone would dare tell her that she was wrong for her actions. So much so that she doesn’t think she can be friends with Royce anymore. Yo, Tami – you were wrong. Period. REAL friends tell you when you fuck up. Period. You clearly have never had a real friend so you don’t know what that looks like – Royce was being a real friend and telling you TO YOUR FACE that you fucked up. Not behind your back, not on the twitter, not during a radio interview, but to your face. Isn’t that what you “respect?”

Royce simply says that she can’t defend Tami’s actions and, at this point, Tami still can’t own up to anything she did to Kesha. Not the stealing of her property (she left it on the seat, so I took it). Not the cussing Kesha out “like a dog for 30 minutes.” None of it. Tami still insists that Kesha did something horrible to her, but I’ve yet to see or read about what it was. Her grand lesson in all of this, at the time, is that she should not have gone off on her because she is pitiful and meek. In the end, according to Tami, Kesha should know that she can’t take what Tami says “in anger” and “run with it.” She should be able to read her mind and know when she is just being belligerent to be belligerent and when she is being belligerent with merit. Good luck with that, Kesha.

Sidebar: Apparently Tami went on the Wendy Williams show to cry about how sorry she is for her behavior. I don’t buy it and I hope people don’t fall for it. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for people making amends when I think they are genuine. What Tami is worried about now is that she won’t have a paycheck next year. I promise you if people would not have reacted the way that they did to her tirades, she would not be owning up to anything. In all of the conversations she had on camera, after the incident, not once did she act as if she truly was sorry for her actions. Only now she has seen the error of her ways. Bitch, please. Go somewhere and get your head shrunk. You desperately need it.

So, now it’s time for “the smallest group dinner” they’ve ever had with just Suzie, Evelyn, Tami and Shaunie. They’ve battered and abused the rest of the cast the entire season, so I don’t know what they expected. Evelyn muses about her pending nuptials and says she has changed her mind on having a baby. (Will she change her mind on having a wedding next?) Tami has decided that she is moving back to Los Angeles so she can be hands on with her daughters’ careers. I’m sorry Tami’s Daughters, we can’t help who we are born to. (Does this mean that Tami will be on Basketball Wives LA next season? Yea, I can totally see her trying to rehab her image over there, and “starting over” and a bunch of pretentious behavior going on. More therapy sessions!)

As I mentioned earlier, Shaunie met with her Pastor in a totally organic and natural scene where she is seeking his advice on her future. Pastor asks if she is willing to leave some of the women behind, and Shaunie says that she is. Whatever.

Before the scene with the pastor, we are treated to Shaunie with her kids. I guess she is supposed to look soft and mothering, but suddenly I feel as if she may be running for office because she is shamelessly using her children in much the way that Sarah Palin used her kids during the 2008 election.

Next week is the reunion and, from the previews, it seems like it’s just going to be a bunch of BS to try to rehab the image of the show. They don’t get that nothing they do will change people’s mind because it’s not that they, themselves, decided they needed to change, they are being FORCED to change in order to save their jobs. Who am I kidding? I will still be watching – and so will you! See you next week.

Thanks for dropping by.